Friday, August 6, 2010

sick sick sick

I am very sick today. I am not posting to get pity or sympathy, but to share how it feels. People often ask me how I feel when I am sick and I will explain here.

I woke up feeling okay, had a great night's sleep. My morning routine was unchanged (I do the same things every day). But I began to feel sick - like I have the flu - around 10AM. All of my muscles and joints hurt just like when a person has the flu. But worst yet is pain. I have severe pain in my abdomen - on the right upper side of my ribcage and it wraps around me like a belt into the back right to my spine. The pain is an achy/pressure type of feeling. It doesn't cause me to double over, nor is it tender to the touch. It feels very deep inside my body. 100% of the time, the pain includes a severe headache. My head hurts all over. It's the same type of pain you get with sinus pressure but it covers my whole head.

So...I took 1 pain pill. No change. I waited awhile and took some Ibuprofen. No change. So...another pain pill. My daughter went to work at 10:30 and was concerned, but I told her to go, "it's okay" and she kissed me goodbye, telling me to call if I need her (she works 2 blocks away). By this time I knew I had to eat something, because now that I have diabetes I can no longer skip meals. I force myself to eat even though I have ZERO appetite. I am now afraid of being home alone. My mind is not clear and I'm so sick I simply feel fearful. I called my spouse and he came home to finish his work here in his home office. I'm so fortunate he is able to do this, but he does travel 2-3 days a week.

By the time he got here I had already taken 2 pain pills (prescription) and Ibuprofen without relief. So, he sat with me awhile and told me my color is a bit ashen (he's been noticing a gray-ish tint to my color, but it is subtle). I force myself to drink water, but the pain is still unbearable so I put on a heating pad. My husband finally says, "I think you should take another pain pill" and it's only 2:30. Three pain pills is my maximum allotment in one day. I seldom take more than 2 per day, and usually if I break the pill in half it does the trick. But not today.
So now I am finally getting some relief. For you nurses, I went from a 7-8 now to a 2. But now I am "loopy" and not thinking as clearly and I dislike - IMMENSELY - the way pain pills make me feel. I would never be a good drug addict because I generally dislike the "high" feeling.

I also took 2 Aspirin before pain pill #3 just to try something. It's probably not a great idea since my platelets run very low and my clotting times are off, meaning I bleed easily and my blood doesn't clot well, which is due to liver disease & aspirin is a "blood thinner" AND I have cirrhosis. But I'm desperately trying to get relief.

Now I'm exhausted from spending the day fighting this pain and from taking a day's worth of pain meds, so I will probably fall asleep. Falling asleep means I am not in pain (at least not enough to keep me from sleeping). And I can't think of anything I did yesterday that is different or unusual that would have caused me to have a bad day today. Nothing at all. Oh, and I had to take an anti-nausea medication because all that pain medication makes me feel pukey.

Some weeks I feel well and think I will live awhile; on days like today I can't imagine living one more year. So there you have it: what it feels like when I am sick. Hoping I wake up tomorrow and feel well, which is completely feasible. And....hoping this helps all of you who ask what it's like for me.