Sunday, March 25, 2012

....changing meds, part deux

Sorry, I've been gone awhile. I would say I've been sleeping nearly 65% of the time since I last posted. I weaned down the Fentanyl and started the replacement oral drug one week ago. The worst side effect of this process is sleeping. Actually, I don't mind this side effect at all as long as it doesn't last! But seriously, I am beginning to sleep less. And, I've done some fun stuff on the few days before I make my next dosage taper. Now that's ALL behind me and I just have to see how my body adjusts.

My disease is progressing. I am retaining fluid and it's become quite noticeable. I woke up one morning with lines on my arms from where my PJ's cuff was and they were still visible at the end of the day! This also happens with my face and I look sorta dorky with deep lines that last all day, but oh well. I'm not a vain person so whatever.

I think back to this journey which began 6-1/2 years ago and can't believe where I am. First, that I'm alive! Second, how much I've gone through but still feel happy and mostly how much I have grown as a person, mostly in spiritual ways. I guess when you have 6 years to think about it, you do just that. I am currently reading a book called Lectio Divina by Christine Valters Paintner. I think it's a must read for anyone looking for deep spiritual growth. Lectio Divina is a Benedictine practice of very specific prayer - a discipline that is best described by your life is living a prayer. It could be applied to a person of any faith or denomination, or to the agnostic. I don't know if it's age or my situation (or both) that have also caused me to turn inward. I have become much more quiet - needing the quiet in my life, and reaching out to those who bring positive things to my life. All lessons I'd wish I'd learned years ago.

So I will leave you with a passage from the book, written by a teacher:
Do I posses the
tongue of a teacher?
One who feeds others
with a word
with open ears
and an open heart?
Do not turn away
this is your life
your sacred work
your sacred work.

How about you, me? I am more than Hepatitis C. What is my sacred work?