Friday, August 12, 2011


I've been feeling well with two exceptions: mornings and bedtime. My mornings have been difficult and I never feel well. It takes all the energy I have just to get out of bed, and when I think back - even when I was feeling great I didn't wake up feeling that way. It's really wearing on me. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I am not sure what I mean by "giving up." Certainly not death. So...I guess I have no choice for now. Once I get moving, I am fine - but the 'getting moving' part is what's so hard.

And lately, I have been getting sick around 9PM every night. I can't fall asleep because I feel too lousy. Going to bed and falling asleep is a 1-2 hour ordeal.
I'm just plain worn out I think. I have cycles of feeling well and then I over do it to make up for lost time; then I have a month like June when I spend most of my time in bed. Then another period of feeling well. Grateful for feeling well, but wishing I didn't have to fight so hard.

When does a person simply get worn out from working so hard? How long can I keep this up? In December it will be 6 years. Thankfully, I AM still alive. But 6 years of not having one day where I felt great from getting up to going to bed is so very difficult.
Guess this is a whiny post. Oh well, I needed to get that off my chest. I guess it's okay to whine today because it's okay to be real.
And my "real" is one big, fat whine.