Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's a beautiful day.....

Finally, some respite from the gloomy weather and a nice sunny day ahead! I've been having trouble sleeping for the last few months - I wake up between 0300-0400 and have a headache, abdominal pain, drenched in sweat and have severe anxiety. The anxiety is the most difficult; I'm not thinking anxious thoughts, it is 100% physical. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. My doctor thinks it is most likely related to menopause but it's so hard to tell - many symptoms of Hep C are the same. I can't seem to find anything that's working and I can't use an estrogen patch because it is very harmful to the liver. Many medications are bad for the liver - Tylenol is especially bad and I can only take it in limited quantities (actually, I never take it myself). many things in my life, I just muddle through and do the best I can.

A very wise person once told me that my value as a person goes far beyond my medical diagnosis. I believe her. Another (not so wise) person told me that everyone is dying. Please don't say that to people with serious illness - while it's true to some extent, it negates their personal struggles and the fact that we stare death in the eye every single day. If I were to get H1N1, a serious injury, etc. - I WOULD NOT SURVIVE. That's not the same as the possibility of getting into a car accident or having a tree fall on me.

Well, I better get out and live this beautiful day, struggles and all. And.....I hope for one peaceful night of rest. Just 8 hours will do.