Isolation

Well, I had one good day and made the most of it, but this morning I woke up at 5 A.M having a great deal of pain. It's becoming more regular; severe joint, bone and muscle pain pretty much everywhere but most notably in my hips and legs. There are some conditions associated with Hep C that I could be developing, or it could simply be the virus itself and my bone marrow trying to keep up with my low blood counts. I hope to have answers soon.

I must include a chapter on social isolation in my book. I am a person who has always worked and raised 4 children, so I am accustomed to a hearty (& loud) social life. Now, with an empty nest and long days home alone, I'll admit - I feel very lonely. Many friends call occasionally and a few call regularly but I've also gone days on end without one phone call. While I consider myself a person who needs a great deal of solitude, I also enjoy social interaction and those long days seem like being in a desert without water. It's hard to make arrangements to meet up with friends when there is a 50/50 chance I will feel up to it. Some people understand and hang in there with me, but others do not. And, being that I do not look terribly ill I think I am almost forgotten by some. Let me rephrase: I am forgotten.

I have choices; I could lie in bed and cry all day or try to make the most of my time. 99% of the time I choose the latter, but earlier in my illness it was more difficult. I lost a few friends, that's for sure but I've also gained a few who truly understand for one reason or another.

Today I'm making the most of things but I do feel lonely. My spouse often works out of town and he's gone today so it's just me here. I am thankful for the projects I have started and especially love my 2 dogs who provide great companionship. I hope this doesn't come across as whiny; I just want to share an understanding of chronic illness and social isolation is definitely part of the equation.